Jesus Christ pornostar
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Scritta ad agosto 2017.
Curiosità
L'idea più assurda che abbia mai avuto finora: una suite lunga 26 minuti (divisa in sette capitoli) sulla vera storia della passione, morte e resurrezione di Gesù Cristo, con alcuni dettagli "apocrifi" inerenti alla sua amante Maria Maddalena, i suoi sconosciuti poteri sessuali, e l'intero conflitto mediorientale.
Nonostante la durata, mi sono divertito tantissimo a scrivere questa canzone, sia a livello musicale che testuale. Musicalmente, mi sono dato alla pazza gioia tra diversi riff e stili, da intro maideniane epiche passando per inni death/thrash dirompenti fino a lentoni doom dal sapore industrial/noise. A livello testuale, mi sono divertito a riscrivere la storia di Gesù con un tocco di humor malato, ma ad un livello più serio ho tirato qualche frecciata contro il governo israeliano per la sua gestione della questione palestinese (il presidente israeliano Netanyahu è menzionato un paio di volte) e ho ironizzato sulle guerre religiose in generale. C'è anche un minuscolo riferimento alle elezioni statunitensi del 2016, per chi riesce a beccarlo.
E per rendere il brano ancora più estremo nella sua pazzia, ho aggiunto un sacco di citazioni criptiche e "easter egg" di ogni tipo, in particolare nell'ambito "trash/vintage" (musica, film, spot TV e altra roba retro, sia italiana che straniera), insieme ad alcuni meme più conosciuti ai giorni nostri. Divertitevi a trovarli tutti! Il sito "Orrore a 33 giri" potrebbe esservi d'aiuto.
Testo
1. OUVERTURE
"Dal vangelo secondo... Luca!"
2. PASSION
Carrying the cross through
Jerusalem walls
With no water to drink
Like anyone born in Palestine
Jesus put to death
Procession to Golgotha
Followed by lots of people
More traffic than in PALEMMO
Time to meet your doom
Your father has forsaken you
Nails deep in your hands
Erected on the top of Golgotha
Condemned to save Barabbas
Murder and famous gigolo
Too beloved by Israeli chicks
To be put to death
Old pussy-grabber favored
Over socialist jew
Sometimes people choose Barabbas
And this is quite the case
Having many chicks can make
The difference in life
While Jesus only had twelve men
And Mary Magdalene
Magdalene, his soulmate, his chaste partner
Hand in hand going far away in happiness
Not anymore, crying under the wooden cross
She can't accept, she can't see him die in chastity
All these transgressions, all these emotions
Nothing can stop her, nothing can arrest her
God-sent savage animal, dressed in skin
She has never tried "Hooray!", she wants it, she yearns for it
Last wish before his death
She wants to break her purity
One last goodbye
He'll die for her sins
God's word corrupted
In the holy place of sacrifice
She wants to consume
She wants to...
MMM-MMM
Crucified messiah
You look like a manikin
She's climbing on the cross
She's finally found the bird
He ate a bit too much
He no longer fits the cage
It's time for her to taste
The divine red muscle of love
LAY DOWN YOUR SOULS
TO THE GODS ROCK 'N' ROLL
Heavenly ecstasy
At the peak of orgasm
He expels his last breath
And not only that
"Remember that this Jesus must die!"
"Sì sì, no, mò me lo segno, proprio..."
3. DEATH (BY ORGASM)
Dead by a sweet agony
Between pain and sperm
The ultimate desecration
Of God's purity
No Holy Spirit this time
Could prevent this from happening
The spirit's always weaker
Than matter and flesh
Magdalene's thirst fulfilled
But with a hole in her heart
Her soulmate's gone forever
Called back by his father
World catastrophe
Earthquakes and disasters
Humanity has to pay
For Magdalene's act
And he has remained there
With the abdominals
Nailed to the cross
His physique finally exposed
In front of this outrageous act
Many chicks now realize
The mistake they've made
To put him to death
Unexpected confrontations
Terms of reference
Literally a yardstick
For such a big deal
Now that all is revealed
The elephant in the room
The dark truth that no one
Could ever expect
Bigger than Barabbas'
Nobody would bet
But it's too late now
Big Dick is back in heaven
T(H)RASH
Coming back impure
Rejected by his own father
He's gonna create his own heaven
With blackjack and hookers
"In fact, forget the heaven"
4. MOURNING (NECROPHILIAC KLEPTONYMPHOMANIA)
Magdalene
Mourning her lover
Magdalene
Going insane
Suffering from an incurable disease
No remedy, no one can help to heal
Depression after excitement
Downer in bereavement
No way out, all doors closed
Divine love... DEAD
Unbearable pain
Suicidal thoughts
Self-destructive behavior
Despair and hopelessness
Blackened reality
Unfillable absence
Is this the end
Or is there a cure?
UGH!
"Si dice così, no?"
Uncontrollable instinct
For extreme survival
She just needs to have him
No matter if alive or dead
She needs his body
Way before his soul
She just can't forget
His orgasming face
"...una faccia da pirla!"
The only way out from her suffering
Is to steal his body from the sepulcher
Nothing can stop her, this is what she needs
No fear of consequence, nor of the law
"Ja, ja ja"
5. RESURRECTION (BY ORGASM)
She'll be coming 'round the mountain
To reach the holy sepulcher
Built by Netanyahu
In palestinian territory
Entrance not surveilled
Yet obstructed by a big stone
Will the force of love
Be enough to move it from there?
Not enough to stop her
And now the entrance is finally free
Does the Holy Spirit
Have some plans for her?
"Chi è?"
"Io!"
She comes inside like a nightly nurse
In a southern italian hospital
Unable to forget, to break out of her prison
She's going to commit a unique infamy
Here he lies, eternal rest
Divine putrefaction yet to occur
Still in time for self-fulfillment
Still in time... FOR FIKI-FIKI
Raise the shroud
See what's been saved
Small and dull
But she does still desire
Touch, taste
"You have to use a chicken"
Stimulate again
And suddenly it happens
Growing inside
Her deep throat
Blood pulsating
Not dead yet
Awakening in orgasm
Flowing down inside her
Erotic miracle
This makes you... a God!
"And what does a God say?"
*pig noises*
RIGHT ANSWER
*pig noises*
Pig God
Resurrection from erection
OK, this was from another Italian band
Go listen to their album, it's fucking insane
It's called I.C.S. - "National blasphemy"
Back to our story, reunion occurred
Going far away, hand in hand again
Traveling anew towards happiness
Hear their weird lovesong already in the air
Holy Spirit reunited in flesh and sin
Into this sepulcher he doesn't wanna stay
Escape from the tomb, forever to forget
Left out like in Iran on january the 8th
"I, boy out!"
6. JESUS CHRIST PORNOSTAR
Sensation in holy land
Jesus resurrected
By Magdalene's blowjob
Big Dick's back in town
News spreading so fast
The trendiest semite couple
Anyone wants to know
Magdalene's secret sexual powers
Contented between
Peoples living there
The true reason behind
Israel-Palestine conflict
Jesus Christ pornostar
Causing ethnic wars
Neither Netanyahu nor Hamas
Could do without Magdalene's skirt
"Jesus Fucking Christ"
His talent finally recognized
Barabba's popularity falls
Nothing to save him from death penalty
No more need for blackjack and hookers
He's the sexiest middle eastern man
("Ma quanto è fico quello lì")
Adored by all women
"From zero to hero"
7. OUTRO
"Ehhhh, Maddalena!"
"Attenti al matto!"
I know half of this shit makes
No fucking sense at all
But I say it anyway
Just 'cause you never know
This witness needs to be passed on
So now, if you liked my story
Let's go bombard the Vatican
With white phosphorous
"'Till this day I don't know what he's talking about!"
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