MeTaL iS dUmB (aNd I'm So SmArT)
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Scritta a gennaio 2017, testo completamente riscritto nell'estate 2020.
Curiosità
Originariamente scritta con un testo orrendo e imbarazzante su... beh, non ve lo dico. Ho salvato il brano all'ultimo minuto prima di iniziare a mixare l'album, riscrivendo daccapo il testo e ri-registrando le vocals, trasformando questo disastro testuale in una frecciata rivolta agli pseudo-metallari intellettualoidi (progsnob, hipster etc.) che sentono sempre il bisogno di distanziarsi dai fondamenti metal/punk per esser visti come musicofili "aperti di mente" che possiedono il sapere musicale """oggettivo""".
Il ritornello vede la partecipazione vocale di Alvin e i Chipmunks, nel ruolo del professorino destocazzo :)
Testo
You want to get into metal
Because it makes you look cool
You're a pretentious sack of shit
Who needs to feel superior
Metal's deep and artistic, man
It takes study and talent
Not like that commercial shit
Those normies listen to
So you discover metal
And you find out the truth
It's too loud, bestial, angry and noisy
For your high I.Q.
Metalheads are dumb and close-minded
But you've found something better
With prog, indie and avant-garde
You're surely gonna show 'em
"Metal's dumb, metal's dumb
Metal's dumb and I'm so smart
I'm the only one who understands music
Please give me some attention
If there's no technique
Then it fucking sucks
If there is no theory
Then it's amateur shit
Music's a noble art
You punks are ruining it
Music can be objectively judged
Taste is meaningless"
So now you're "open-minded"
You "listen to all music"
But only if it rewards your sense
Of superiority
You're either a boring progsnob
Or a smug fuckin' hipster
And you can't shut da fuck up
About metal and its fans
You're still ashamed of being
Associated with them
So you're in the constant need
To put 'em down and mock them
And now that you hate metal
The only metal you listen to
Is wanky prog, blackgaze, avant-garde
"Metal for the thinking man"
"Metal's dumb, metal's dumb
Metal's dumb and I'm so smart
I can't waste my high I.Q. on bands
Who play metal for the mere love of it
Metal is limited
It needs to be ennobled
Metalheads are jackasses
They need to be educated
Metal has no depth
Nor any artistic sense
It's our duty to improve it
By turning it into hipster shit"
"Your music all sounds the same! Why don't you just throw in some hyper-technical solo to show at least some instrumental skills?"
*burps and farts*
"What about some indie or shoegaze influences? It would sound so deep, sensitive and meaningful..."
*more burps and farts*
"What about some avant-garde? To hell with all these riffs and this Iron Maiden bullshit: just play some random weird chord, it will sound so different and new!"
*more burps and farts*
"You guys are so stupid and arrogant! You don't understand the value of true art like I do! True art transcends all boundaries and all subjective taste, and tells us universal messages of kindness, compassion, spirituality and everything beyond our senses and our ego!"
*more burps and farts*
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