Garden of God כַּרְמֶל (paradise lost)

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Lyrics

Here I am, kicked out of heaven

Fallen on a bare, dry ground

Nothing more can grow out of it

No redemption contemplated

Deceived by the snake

It seems like years and years ago

But the consequences of all my actions

Still burning like fresh wounds

"Look but don't touch, touch but don't taste"

This is how you convinced me

But it's now, after my mistake, that

These things are really foreclosed to me

Years of spiraling out of control

Down through a decadent path

But nothing could prepare me for the irreparable

Banned from the garden of God

Hatred and self-loathing

I'm responsible for this disaster

My downward spiral brought me here

I only have myself to thank for this

Kneeling, begging, crying

Praying, asking for forgiveness

But it's too late now

I wish time could be turned back

The chance of a lifetime

Ruined and nullified

By all the hate and negativity

I've built in years and years

No compensation's possible

For what has just been destroyed

Condemned for all eternity

To witness from afar

On that wondrous, cursed night

When it seemed that everything could happen

I instead lost my agency

Injured, crippled, put out of the game

And that's when Judas brought war

Guised under pretenses of peace

Never trust the dumb

Even when he claims to mean well

"Can't bury more than two at a time"

Outburst of blind rage

Feeling powerless

Fooled and backstabbed

Mocked and crushed - GOD AGAINST ME

Can see only death

Homicidal threat

For y'all and for myself

Self-sabotaged - PARADISE LOST

Life has turned into an inferno

Existing has turned into torture

Every moment, every second

I just wish my life ended

Can't live with the consequences

Of what I've just done

Gone from Eden to bare Earth

Robbed of everything dear to me

This rotten world won't become

Anything worth my damn time

I'm just better off dead by now

There's not even a hell worth reigning in

The path I chose to walk

The path of greed, revenge and rage

Just helped prepare my downfall

Banned from the garden of God

On that wondrous, cursed night

When it seemed that everything could happen

I instead lost my agency

Injured, crippled, put out of the game

And that's when Judas brought war

Guised under pretenses of peace

Never trust the dumb

He's as dangerous as the wicked

"My world just got colder"

Outburst of blind rage

Feeling powerless

Fooled and backstabbed

Mocked and crushed - GOD AGAINST ME

Can see only death

Homicidal threat

For y'all and for myself

Self-sabotaged - PARADISE LOST

"I have no chance of survival

No matter what you believe"

Slashing my arms, want to see blood

To put myself out of my eternal pain

Condemned to hell, down here on Earth

No way to return - it's way up there

Suicidal mania always in my head

Preparing a string that's been ready for some time

I have fucked up, there's no undoing

Condemned to a life of hardship and pain

If that's how it goes and will always be

I am not willing to accept my condition

A knife is the answer to all of my problems

Carving my flesh and watching it bleed

Hating myself, craving for an end

The only way to silence the pain

One last deep cut, losing more blood

Finally passing out - it's all over now

Written in october 2022.